I don't want to sound like marvin the paranoid android, but driving to work this morning I began to ponder if someone was contriving to make this day my last.

I reversed carefully out of the driveway and then quickly back in as a speeding lunatic in a silver nova came hairing round the corner the entire car vibrating like a speaker at a rave. Again I began the tricky manouvre - success I was out on the road, 2 kids fighting merrily in the back on their way to school, while the other one was telling me about kamikazi pilots in WW2 and something about govt funding for anderson shelters. I made my way to the main road, I cal it this even though by most peoples standards its not a main road and probably isnt even a B road on a map. I turned onto the road as the conversation in the back changed from who had whose pencils and should they take school bags because it is the 2nd to last day of term, the conversation in the front had proceeded to evacuees and wouldnt it be fun to be evacuated. The there before me lay an unforseen obstacle - I hit the breaks as a giant yellow school bus slid out of a junction without a by your leave, the driver had the cheek to wave at me below his burberry cap for stopping. Eventually several hazards later including school boys, bicycles and tractors I dropped the kids off at School and continued my journey. Soon my vain attempts at driving were again thwarted this time by a large red head in a blue renault megane ( you know who you are and yes you are supposed to stop at the red light!). I continued along the side of the loch and on toward civilisation and work stuck behind a farm vehicle on a go slow to ponder the merits of handing out driving licences in lucky bags to people whose IQ and parentage are questionable.
Eventually I arrived at work - I work at C.R.A.P. an appropriate acronym even if I do say so myself with a team devised by gerry anderson , we have Scary FJ, a Gullah ( australian parrot known for its stupidity), twinkle, a gentle lady, the david byrne look a like and myself the dizzy one in the corner who does all the work but never manages to actually look like shes working. Welcome to hell, tomorrow the gullah swaps shoulders and the gentle lady wears special needs shoes.